1. Julian Assange.
   It’s not really him, but the guy who manages/owns the copy shop a couple of doors down from chez moi bears an uncanny resemblance to the former most-wanted. Perpetually out the front on a smoko, he never fails to give me a bonjour when I pass to and from the tramstop to and from work. I feel kind of bad that I do all my printing at a place up the road.
2. The French nose.
   One could make the argument that this has become my raison d’être. You all know what I’m talking about: that slightly raised piece of rhinal perfection found on the faces of essentially every young French female I pass in the street, on the metro, at the bakery, etc. It does funny things to me. Oh God, how it does funny things to me.
3. Sunny walks along the Rhône.
   Particularly since March, when spring kicked in and made the days longer and warmer. I altered my route to include wandering along the banks with the sun hovering over Fourvière. Include in this section drinks along the Rhône for the same reason.
4. Café at La Renaissance.
   My local café, where many an hour was spent in the sunshine, coffee on the table, nose in a book. I’ll miss being able to order one coffee without the subsequent harassment that I buy something else every 15 minutes. In fact, the whole café culture belongs in this section. I’ve bought my drink, therefore j’ai le droit to sit there for as long as I want.
5. The alimentation next door.
   Without the ability to go on a quick booze run next door, my glass collection would never have gotten so out of control so quickly. Not to mention the owner, forever puffing on a sheesha out the back while the delicious smell of apple tobacco filled the store, and his seemingly unflappable personality.
6. The dude at the Orange store.
   Infinitely helpful in those early quests for internet and a landline, I often marvelled at his complete inability to spell my surname. All sorts of creative attempts were made in the three or four times I went down to the branch. It became a running joke, and one of those things that puts you in a good mood for the rest of the day.
7. Reliable public transport.
   Although there is no order of importance in this list, if I had to rank them, this would be number one. Once again, I am confounded as to how Melbourne has so utterly fucked up what seems to be a relatively simple operation by comparison. Lyon has a smaller population than Melbourne, yet the transport system could almost account for the same number of people. Frequent services, a sprawling network and next to no cancellations. The longest I’ve waited for a train has been 10 minutes, after midnight on a weekday.
8. Cheap booze.
   Again, I’m reminded of how much tax we pay on alcohol. I can buy 24 250ml bottles of beer for €4.50, yet Foster’s cries foul when Safeway/Coles mark a slab at $28, which is below cost. Fuck me. Deal with the culture instead of the symptom.
9. Tarte praline.
   A Lyonnais specialty, this has become my favourite baked good. Luckily, there are markets within walking distance on Saturdays and Sundays, meaning my weekends are always filled with tart-y goodness. How I will cope without these back home is a worrying mystery.
10. The French language.
    It almost goes without saying, but it will be strange to hear English in the street again. I remember getting excited when for the first time I could understand what people were saying as I passed them in the street. Snippets of conversation are no longer whooshing over my head! I’m well aware of how quickly language skills can be lost, so the challenge will be maintaining them for as long as possible once I’m back home.

Fin.

As is always the case when something is reaching its end, the next four weeks are going to fly by. And yet, there seems like there is so much that still has to be organised before my departure: booking post-work travel, changing my return flight, not to mention the myriad of administrative formalities (bank, social security, gas, electricity, etc, etc.) that need to be taken care of between now and the last week in April.

My time here has overwhelmingly been positive. Despite the first few trying weeks (take the good with the bad, and so on), I have enjoyed my time in France immensely. In fact, it seems like I’m only really getting settled in now and already it’s time to think about packing up. I could go on about the learning experiences, being a changed person, and all that crap, but it goes without saying. To be honest, there hasn’t been an earth-shattering revelation (not that I was expecting one). The only real major difference is that I’m now far better at French than I was when I got here. Evidemment.

And yes, I will miss the bread, the wine (the cheap booze in general), the cheese, the meat, and most of all, the lifestyle. I was out today at 1pm and you’d swear it was the weekend, given the number of people out, sitting at cafes, enjoying a long lunch, and generally putting pleasure ahead of business. I know Australians are supposed to be laid back, but there seems to be an air of, I guess, almost nonchalance here. The French are quite happy to take their time doing everything, and this has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to get used to (NOTHING happens quickly here). To the outsider, it is beyond infuriating at times, but I think I’ve grown to like it. Almost.

And so, it’s off to the supermarché to buy une baguette. Bonsoir!

What doesn’t help is that the previous tenant clearly was not as diligent as I, and as a result, my bath has been left with a stain or two that no amount of scrubbing can fix. This is a source of constant aggrevation, and as I have discovered, filling the tub with water and bleach doesn’t do anything but make me stain my jumper and cause consternation (I really like that jumper).

But the stains aren’t limited to the bathroom. My kitchen floor is lino, which likewise had seen months of neglect under the ancien régime. I have actually got on my hands and knees with a scrubbing brush and taken them to task, with mixed results.

It is here I should point out that reading this, my mother would not believe that I am really her son. Admittedly, I’m not quite as zealous about cleanliness at home, the exception being my bedroom. There’s a simple logic to this: I’m only concerned with ‘my’ things. That’s right: I’m a selfish neat freak. As long as my apartment or my room is clean, I’m satisfied. But it’s a start, right?

Annecy was a pleasant town with a healthy dusting of snow, adding to the whole postcard thing Annecy has going on. On the day we visited, it was bustling with a Tuesday market that didn’t seem to realise that Christmas had finished a few days ago. Cheeses, smoked meats, seafood, jewellery and fresh produce were in abundance. We were amused by an American tourist, who slowly and loudly asked the vendor, “Is this 43 euro?”, apparently unaware that numbers don’t need to be translated.

After being rejected from the first restaurant we tried for lunch (complèt), we settled on a smaller place around the corner, run by a husband and wife who nattered behind the bar. Our choice was more or less made for us: “Vous voulez le menu, oui? Oui.” But it was utterly fantastic, and the best meal I’d had in ages: a salad entree followed by roast pork that melted in the mouth with mashed potatoes and spinach. After washing it all down with vin chaud and a coffee, we wandered for a bit longer before heading to the station and heading back home.

Thursday was our day trip to Dijon, though we had planned to stay longer there than in Annecy. Dijon itself is sort of like a film set in places, with its quaint little buildings and architecture from the 18th and 19th centuries. We wandered here and there, stopping at the odd boulangerie to admire the goods within or sample the wares. Unfortunately, we missed the lunch hours of our shortlisted restaurants so we had to wait until 7.30 for dinner. This meant we were cutting it fine in terms of getting the last train back to Lyon, but we reasoned 8.48 gave us enough time to enjoy dinner and stroll back to the station.

After a glass of wine at a small bar à vin, we returned to our selected restaurant and ordered bœuf bourguignon. This was delivered to us in a small ramekin with a bed of tagliatelle and was quite simply amazing. After finishing up, it was 8.20. Time was rapidly running out, but we had noticed earlier that there were trains leaving Dijon after 8.48. But then it hit me. After consulting the timetable again we realised that there were trains leaving Dijon right up until 11pm. But none of them went all the way to Lyon. Dessert came at 8.40, and we quickly wrapped things up. A half jog back to the station got us there at 8.55. We had missed our train by seven minutes, and the next one was due to depart at 5.33am: in eight and a half hours time.

The thought process of realising you may be stuck somewhere overnight is a funny thing. All sorts of ideas flow through your head: take this train to here and see if there’s another? Try and find a bus? Hitchhike? Get a cab? As reason prevails, thoughts turn to how one is to pass the time. We had two options: find a hotel or bar hop. Given my complete lack of money by this point, we settled on the latter.

Our next problem was trying to find somewhere that was open until 5am. Dijon didn’t exactly strike us as a party town, and so this would prove difficult. However, we remembered an Irish bar we had passed earlier and so we returned to find it open until 2am. That left 3 hours to kill. In the end though, we left at 12.30 in search of a club we had seen earlier, and to our relief found it was open until 5am.

Immediately next to this club, however, another venue caught our respective eyes. Entitled “Le Clap”, we had to see what was going on. Inside, we were immediately struck by the clientele: we were the youngest patrons by at least 25 years. This was instantly confirmed by the looks we received as we quietly sat down on a couch and avoided eye contact. The music was hilariously bad Eurotrash, played at a volume that was evidently deemed acceptable by the patrons; that is, quiet enough that you could quite easily have a conversation without shouting. On the dancefloor we watched as one guy in particular stood out with his dance moves, leading the rest of the dancers in some form of line dancing. After sitting for a good 15 minutes, the bartender became suspicious, and not at all subtly dropped a drinks menu on my lap.

We made our Coronas  go the distance, but at 2am the lights came up and so we headed next door to Hunky Dory, the club that promised karaoke until 5am. Inside, a French guy was butchering some French song, so we sat and watched. In the end we decided to give it a crack and went up and did Bohemian Rhapsody. Despite a warm reception initially, once the song was over, not a single person applauded. Feeling somewhat rejected, we went back to our seats. To our alarm however, the house lights came up at 2.45, and by 3am, the place was shut. This still left us with two hours to kill, and so we wandered in the direction of the train station. In front of the station were a number of bus stops, and after finding the station closed, we set up camp at one of these. And this is where the night got interesting.

Obviously bus shelters and train stations are a point of call for any city’s homeless population, and Dijon was no exception. Our first customer was a lady so horribly addicted to nicotine she shook as she walked, picking up discarded butts off the ground in the hopes there was still enough to smoke. Unfortunately, we were not in possession of a lighter, so she continued her quest for a smoke. Presently, three guys arrived, two of them carrying the third between them. Eventually, they placed him on a seat at a bus stop, where he promptly collapsed. One guy sprinted off, ostensibly in search of water or something while the other remained behind, holding him up as he yakked violently into the gutter. After this was done, he came over to enquire after some tissues, of which we had none. He stood briefly and chatted with us in French and English about why we were here and so on before returning to his colleague.

Cristina went off to stretch her legs at one point, and returned to inform me that the station was now open. We relocated to the relative warmth of the waiting area, as did the menagerie of crazies we’d encountered. One guy who smelled terrible set up shop next to us, and after a while I had to go for a walk to get away from his musk. In the hall, the cigarette lady was still wandering around, looking for the next hit, but there was also an immaculately dressed blind man walking in circles. I wandered for a bit before encountering our friend the chaperone, who was looking for somewhere to park his friend. I informed him of the waiting area and he headed straight for it.

Fifteen minutes later, the platform for our train was finally announced, so in the early morning chill we walked to the platform and boarded the train. We had survived the eight hour wait and promptly fell asleep as the train pulled out of Dijon. By this point I was so sleep deprived I was almost delirious, a fact made evident by me thinking the guy in the next carriage was actually a reflection, and I tried to work out why my bag now had straps and a different shape. But as we finally climbed the stairs to my apartment several hours later and crashed into bed at 8am, there was a sense of satisfaction to be enjoyed. Despite a night spent on the street, and a host of bizarre encounters, we had finally made it home.

Arriving at Part-Dieu 25 minutes early, I took my place amongst the other several hundred people gawking at the departure screens, waiting for the platform to be revealed. At 12.55, it was announced that the train to Paris was 10 minutes late. Oh well, I thought, that still gives me plenty of time. Porte Maillot is a mere 25 minutes from Gare de Lyon in Paris.

I wandered around for a bit before returning to consult the screen again. This time, the departure had been revised. It was now 40 minutes late. This presented a major problem, in that I was now due to arrive in Paris at 3.45 and I had to be on the 4.20 bus to Beauvais. Cutting it fine, but still possible. Fortunately, the delay was scaled back to 25 minutes, and at 1.30 the platform was announced. I boarded the train and waited. And waited. Finally, the train pulled out of the station at 1.45. This meant I would arrive in Paris at 3.50 at the earliest. I reasoned that if I missed the bus, I had a good excuse and could simply catch the next bus.

In the end, after briefly wandering around lost, I finally found the bus departure point  at 4.30. In front of me stood an enormous queue that appeared to be at a standstill. After 10 minutes it had barely moved. I was waiting when a girl with a thick Scottish accent approached me.

“How ye along?”
“Sorry?”
“Are you alone?”
“Oh. Yes. Yes I am.”

As it happened, the buses weren’t running to the airport at all, blaming the snow. Alex, the Scottish girl, was attempting to find a fourth person for a taxi to get out to the airport. As luck would have it, I was selected to be that person. Given that there was no information offered about the buses and noone had any idea of what was happening, I hate to think what may have happened had I not been the fourth wheel.

For the next 15 minutes Alex, her friend Edie, a Chinese girl called Mun and I struggled to catch a cab, competing with various other people to find one. Finally, we headed across the road to a nearby hotel and soon had a driver willing to take us out to Beauvais. We loaded up the bags, climbed aboard, and hit out into the wet Paris streets. Passing onto the motorway, we were rather bemused by the decision not to run buses: there was not a patch of snow on the road.

This all changed about 40 minutes into the journey, when the first traces of white stuff appeared. An hour in, things were getting hairier and traffic had slowed to 60kms/h. The snow was falling steadily and had built up sizeable deposits on the windscreen, out of reach of the wipers.

The good news was that Edie’s mum worked at passport control at Prestwick Airport in Glasgow, so we were given running updates on flight delays. The flight was scheduled to leave at 7.50; already it had been pushed back to 9. Given progress was slow on the increasingly treacherous roads, this was welcome news.

The snow increased, and conditions were quickly becoming dangerous. The cab driver stuck to the wheel furrows left by the car in front as we crawled along at 30. Nostalgi FM offered some light relief as Alex and Edie slept in the back seat. As the cab driver became more confident, the acceleration increased, until the cab started sliding on the road, at which point he would back off and apologise. This continued for the next hour, destroying my nerves in the process. We passed a car that had run off into the road into a ditch; this did not exactly help to inspire confidence.

Finally, two hours and €140 later, we had arrived at Beauvais Airport. Our flight had progressively been pushed back to 9.20, then 9.40, and was now scheduled at 9.55. Edie remarked that any further delays would probably result in cancellation. The thought of spending the night stuck at the airport hung over us as we sat and ate at the airport cafe. Fortunately, no other delays eventuated and we boarded the plane, which finally took off at 10.15.

Thanks to the time difference, we arrived in Glasgow at 10.45. I was asked the usual questions by border security and walked down the hall that informed me I was now in the UK. I got to the train station just as the train pulled in, and soon we were speeding north to Glasgow.

I stepped out into the chilly air and briskly walked to the hostel, checking in at just after midnight. Upstairs, I stashed my bag and fell into bed. Despite delays, a lot of sprinting and one of the hairiest drives I’ve encountered, I had made it to Scotland.

Life in Lyon has well and truly settled into a routine. This may sound boring but in fact it’s a good thing. Street names have become familiar. My bearings of the city are well-established. I can recite the tram stops to work. Lyon is feeling less like somewhere I’m spending a few months and more like a place I’m living and working in. And I’m loving myself sick over it.

As it stands, teaching is my career path of choice for now. Even as an unqualified, poorly paid assistant, it is an unbelievably rewarding experience. There is an indescribable satisfaction in watching the light bulbs switch on as you explain something to the class. Most of the time I can walk away knowing that the students have taken something from the class, whether it be a new word, phrase or something about Australia. That said, there are some days where a group of students does nothing but frustrate you. Obviously you take the good with the bad, but the good has, so far at least, far outweighed the bad.

Of course, it goes without saying that this living in France thing is good for character-building/developing experience/other clichéd personal development phrase. From facing the bureaucratic mess of French admin, to learning new phrases, to just becoming more independent generally, I will undoubtedly leave France a different person than when I arrived. I’d like to think I’ve grown more patient (I’ve more or less been forced to), as things don’t happen anywhere near as fast as back home. Case in point: I was genuinely surprised when Melbourne Uni replied to my question the day after I emailed it.

So life rolls along merrily as I make lesson plans, travel plans and (attempt) budget plans. With the first snowfall on Friday, it looks like December might be a rather chilly one. Now, if I could work a new coat into the budget…

1. Gas. Since the previous tenant’s contract had expired in September, when I moved in the gas had been switched off. This required me to use up an entire €20 phone voucher to call two different gas companies, set up accounts with each of them, and organise for someone to come out and turn the gas back on. A week of no hot water (and therefore no showers), no heating and no cooking ensued before a technician was available to rock up for 5 minutes to turn the gas on.
2. Internet. Oh how connected we have become. Being offline for a week (excluding the occasional trip to a cafe with wifi) was close to unbearable. The sheer disconnect I felt from the world shows just how reliant I have become on the internet. I shall never take small things like consulting Google Maps to find a post office for granted again.
3. Finally, and the reason for the title, furnishings composed entire of IKEA stuff.

My apartment has indeed become the house that Sven built. Or at least, the house that Sven provided the pieces for and I assembled with an Allen key. Saucepans, cutlery, plates, bowls, cups, glasses, cooking utensils, a chair, tea towels and a couch…all of this came straight from that Swedish warehouse of maze-like proportions.

But as I sat on my couch, watching TV on my laptop, beer perched safely on my Lack table, I came to the realisation that my apartment was complete. Now, it feels like home.

Next, please.

From: Me
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hello

I’d like to enquire about the apartment advertised for rent on craigslist. I was wondering if the apartment is still available for rent, and if so whether there is a bed? And does the 470/mois include les charges?

Regards
Me

————————————————————

From: Jung Heegyun
To: Me
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hi,

Thank you for mailing me regarding my apartment, the apartment is still available for now and well fully furnished, here is the location of my apartment ..24bis rue du lt col girard 69007 LYON FRANCE 00336

This home is extensive with an area and 1 bedroom, bathroom. the cabinets extended in kitchen and the site of the laundry, screen door that slipped of order in the lateral entrance.  It includes the guarantee. The apartment have just been renovated and we have each convenience that you could always wish. We have a friendly community of neighbors.. Portions of activities such as passages, bingo, clutch of the coffee, divided groups that roll and for every holiday. The restaurants, supermarket, the post office and the warehouses are within distance that walks

AMENITIES AVAILABLE OUTSIDE
Barbecue, Disabled Facilities, Allocated Parking space
Balcony Terrace

INSIDE
Kitchen,13’0″ x 11’0″  ( 3.96m x 3.35m )
Reception room 17’0″ x 16’0″ ( 5.18m x 4.88m  )
1Bedrooms  1 12’10″ x 10’5″ ( 3.91m x 3.18m )
1Bathrooms 6’10″ x 5’10″ ( 2.08m x 1.78m )
washing  machine
American Kitchen Fridge & Freezer Oven
Microwave Dish Washer  Crockery & Utensils
Bath Shower Hair Dryer and Towels
Internet Dial  Up, Internet Broadband Cable/Satellite
TV, Stereo/Radio System DVD Player
DVD/Music  Collection
Library Telephone Fax
Central Heating Air  Conditioning
Separate WC 5’0″ x 2’10″ ( 1..52m x 0.86m )

Am renting out the room due to my Job transfer to United Kingdom. I work with a shipping company in NY for some years and i do spend most of my times on board ship before i was transfer down to United Kingdom and work with Ever Green Shipping Company.

……………  APPLICATION FORM………….
Your Full Name
Your Full Address & Phone Number
How old are you?
Are you married?
How many people will be living in the house?
Do you have a pet?  pets are allowed
Occupation?
how long are you willing to stay
Nationality…
Date of move in and out…
Sex………………Male or Female.

And i need a responsible single or couples to take good care of the property and enjoy there stay. Get back to me as soon as possible with your application form so that we proceed.

Regards

————————————————————

From: Me
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Thanks for your quick response. Would I be able to visit the apartment today? My contact number is 06 xx xx xx xx, feel free to SMS or call me to arrange a time to visit. My application form is attached below.

Your Full Name: Me.

Your Full Address & Phone Number: 3, Avenue ——-, ——–
How old are you? 22.
Are you married? No.
How many people will be living in the house?  1, just myself.
Do you have a pet? pets are allowed. No pets.
Occupation?  Assistant teacher.
how long are you willing to stay: Until late April 2011.
Nationality… Australian.
Date of move in and out… Move in as soon as possible, move out April 30 2011.
Sex………………Male or Female. Male.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Kind regards
Me

————————————————————

From: Jung Heegyun
To: Me
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hello, I can see your willingness in this Apartment and i want you to know that i’m satisfied with your profile and also believe that you can take good care of the apartment. l would not like to experience what l experienced  from my last tenant again that is why will hand over every thing to our lawyer. I  will love it if you can hold the keys of the apartment till when you are ready  to move in then i will be counting the month rent by then and non of my cloths  there,l showed your application to my Lawyer and he said he is satisfied with  it.l want you to know that we can let you stay in my apartment till the period  of time you wish to.I want you to know that the rent fee is among the apartment  utilities all included, so you can use them anytime but make sure you take  proper care of my property My lawyer will be receiving the a Month Rent and  deposit.

You may go ahead and view the apartment from outside with the address i gave to you in previous email and you seen the pictures of the inside and you cant view the inside the apartment due to the security guiding the apartment and without the keys and the document you will be embarrassed from our security.

Accommodation Features Interior Features:

Washer And  Dryer, Air Conditioning, Walk In Closets, Fireplace, Ceiling  Fan, Vaulted Ceilings, Cable Available, Intrusion Alarm, Jetted  Tub, Scenic View, Waterfront, Blinds, Attic, Heat

Kitchen Features:

BreakfastNook, DishWasher, Disposal, Microwave, Pantry, Refrigerator, Stove,

Rooms:

Crawlspace, Den, Dining Room, Living Room

Exterior Features:

Deck, Fence, Hot  Tub, Porch, Storage, Dock with Boat Lift, 2 Covered Parking  Spaces, Flooring, Carpet, Ceramic Tile, Hardwood

The apartment keys/documents will be delivered to you via UPS Delivery Service on next day delivery. Kindly get back to me with your home address for the shipping of the keys and the document of the apartment to your door steps. Once again  l’m giving you this apartment on trust and do not disappoint me because l dont  want our apartment to be destroyed again, if you wish to move in with your own  properties, we still have one extra room that is empty so you can easily put our  own things that you think you dont need in there. Here are the contents that will be delivered to you via UPS courier service.

1) Entrance and the rooms Keys

2) Paper/Permanent Flat form (Containing your reference details)

3) The Flat documented file.

4) Payment Receipts.

5)Full address  and description of the Apartment Thanks and let me know if you’re ready  to make the a month rent with deposit payment so the shipment for the packages  will be taken place to your door step UPS Delivery Service as soon as  possible.

Regards

————————————————————

From: Me
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hello Jung

That is excellent news! I am able to make the first month’s rent payment and the deposit whenever you require it. Can you confirm the total being 940 euro (470 euro for the first month’s rent and 470 euro for the deposit)? As for the keys and documents, you can send the package to my current address:

Me
3, Avenue ——-, ——– .

I’ll be able to move in on Monday evening so I can pick up the package on Monday morning if that suits you.

Kind regards
Me

————————————————————

From: Jung Heegyun
To: Me
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Thank you for getting back to me once again

I will like you to know that  my lawyer would have show you the apartment but she is right now in State  for  some Six Month program due to her profession that is the reason why you will be  receiving the keys and the document of the apartment via ups at your home  address you provide in your application form. You will be receiving the keys and the document of the apartment via ups at your temporary home address you provide in your application form. The UPS Office are ready to proceed with the shipment of the package (Keys and documents). I have forward your delivery home address to my lawyer in State and she is willing to proceed as soon as she confirm your deposit payment transfer. For now you will be making the deposit transfer of 470Euro via Western Union to my lawyer information below and after you receive the package then you will be making the Month Rent of 470Euro transfer .

Name….      Kelly Johnson
Address……5004 redell
City………   .Bay town
State……….Texas
Zip Code…….77521
Country……. United State

Get back to me as soon as possible so that we cam proceed.

Regards

————————————————————

From: Me
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hello Jung

Once again, I appreciate your prompt reply. How exciting that your lawyer is studying in the State! I have been to the State before, it is very nice. Texas is a wonderful place, full of colourful characters.

I have decided that I would like to buy some fish for the apartment to give it some ambiance. Would this be ok as I would want at least six tropical fish? And maybe some plants to make them feel at home. It won’t be too much, just a few ferns and a small jungle canopy for shade.

Are you sure you don’t want the 940 euro at once? I would feel much more comfortable paying a lump sum and receiving everything at once.

Kind regards
Me

————————————————————

From: Jung Heegyun
To: Me
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

There is no problem if you are will to make the full payment and if you are willing to make the advance payment is all okay.

You will be receiving the package via ups withing 48 hours after you payment as been confirm. Thanks

Jung

————————————————————

From: Me
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hello Jung

As I can’t move in until Monday, can you allow the package to arrive in 81 hours instead of 48? Otherwise I’ll have the inconvenience of carrying around the keys with me for two days, and I’m terrible with keys. I always lose them. Would you be able to send two sets so if I lose one I’ll still have a spare set?

Kind regards
Me

————————————————————

From: Jung Heegyun
To: Me
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Okay good the package will be deliver to you within 81 hours with spare keys.

Get back to me as soon as you make the payment transfer so that my lawyer can proceed with the package before the ups office get close.

Regards

————————————————————

From: Me
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Thank you for that. But can you send the spare keys as a separate package? Otherwise if I lose one set, I’ll lose both sets together! If I could get the first package in 81 hours and the second package in 97 hours, that would be fantastic. But if I receive them in 98 or 99 hours, that’s ok too.

I’ve only got 930 euro on me at the moment, can I send you the other ten next week? Otherwise I’ll send the total amount next week.

Kind regards
Me

————————————————————

From: Jung Heegyun
To: Me
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Okay no problem.

I have sent all your request to my lawyer mail address and it shall be done.

You can make the payment transfer of the 930Euro and when you arrive next week then you will be making the rest balance of 10Euro.

Regards

————————————————————

From: Me
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hello Jung

I went to Western Union but I only realised once I got there that because it was 8pm they were closed. Just my luck! I also couldn’t get my laundry done either so now I have no clean socks for tomorrow. I wish some businesses would stay open longer instead of closing by 6pm.

Can I send you the money instead tomorrow?

Regards
Me

————————————————————

From: Jung Heegyun
To: Me
Subject: Re: EUR470 / 1br – Fully Furnished Apartment In Lyon For Rent

Hi,

Kindly get back to me as soon as possible with the payment details so that we can proceed as soon as possible with the package.

Regards

————————————————————

From: “Paul Johnson”
To: Jung Heegyun
Subject: File AUS46237

To Whom It May Concern

I regret to inform you that Me and the whole of France have been captured by the Taliban. Their whereabouts are currently unknown, but intelligence believes that they may be somewhere near the Pakistan/Afghanistan border.

Any and all correspondence will now be investigated in order to compile a dossier on Mr. Me. I would ask that you provide your full contact details so that you may assist us fully. Any obstruction to our investigation will be treated as suspicious and will result in legal action.

I thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Yours Sincerely

Paul Johnson
Public Liaison
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Canberra ACT
Australia

————————————————————

I can’t think why I never got a response.

As I staggered out of bed, I realised I was in fact still drunk. Thoughts of crawling up into a  ball and dying were appealing. Hazy images of the night before slowly filtered back. So let us begin before that.

Monday was my first day of teaching so at 11.30 I set off on the journey. I arrived well before the meeting time of 1pm so I wandered for a bit before heading in to meet Caroline and my other teachers. Lunch was underway so I sat with Caroline, Fathia and Marion, my teaching crew, and worked out what I would be doing  today. It was agreed that of the three classes I was due to teach, I would only be attending one. That left me with a good two hours to kill, so in the meantime I was told to head to my other school and see if I could negotiate my hours, as for some reason they had decided me working all day on Fridays would be a good idea. As this would not be conducive to my travel plans, I disagreed.

I set off to the school down the road but finding it guarded by various juvenile delinquents, I rather lamely walked around the block before returning to find them gone. As luck would have it, the principal was at the gate, so she told me to go on in and wait for her. I did just that. Once in her office, I introduced myself and explained my situation. Unfortunately, the head of English was not in on a Monday afternoon so I was given his phone number and told to call him to work something out. Feeling rather defeated, I headed back.

At 3.30 I set off with Caroline to take my first class. Taking 10 students, we found an empty classroom and I let them ask me questions in broken English. Particularly noteworthy were probing questions like ‘What is your favourite brand?’ and ‘Do you have a wife?’ Soon enough, the hour was up and I had survived my first day as an unqualified teacher.

Back at the hostel I ran into Andy, who informed me that there were a bunch of people going for 1 euro beers at a bar called Cosmopolitan. I had work at 9 the next morning, but decided to go out for one or two drinks. Famous last words as they say.

Cosmopolitan was packed and the music was terrible, so Andy and I ordered 6 beers and drank them outside. Not wanting to fight our way back in, I decided we should investigate the Australian-themed bar up the road, Ayers Rock. After a Coopers, we discovered that they had 3 euro cocktails on offer. Things rapidly went downhill from there. After our third round, the barman asked us, ‘Are you guys getting fucked tonight?’ By this stage, all signs pointed to yes, so he poured out three shots and drank with us. We got another free shot a couple of rounds later, and my memory of the night ends here.

The next morning, as I swayed in front of the mirror, I took stock of the situation. I was still wearing my jeans and socks; upon arriving home I had managed to take my belt and shirt off but after that had apparently given up. I couldn’t remember how or when I got back; given how tired and drunk I still was, it was evidently late. I had to eat something, pack my bag and leave ASAP, a shower was out of the question. So I staggered into the kitchen, downed a bowl of cereal, grabbed my bag and power walked to the station.

On the train I tried to nap and be sober. I failed on both counts. I arrived at my stop and ran for the tram that was pulling in. 15 minutes later, right on 9am, I got off the tram and walked to school. Struggling with my jumper and bag, I looked up and walked straight into a tree. Fucking hell, I thought, hearing the laughter from someone behind me, can this day get worse? Fortunately it did not; I found the classroom, and believing I had successfully hidden my inability to focus my eyes on anything, spoke to Fathia. Apparently not noticing the cut on my head I had sustained after my altercation with the tree, she gave me a group of 6 students and told me to find an empty classroom. I amused myself with the idea that in this state, I was now in charge of a group of children.

After struggling with the key, I authoritatively flicked on the lights and walked in. The kids stood at the desks, waiting. “Sit down,” I commanded. They did so. And we were off. I passed the hour by sipping at my water bottle and answering more questions. The class ended, and by 11.30, I was finally sober. I made use of the coffee machine to get me through the other two classes, and at 2pm, Marion sent me on my way. By now I was utterly hungover and wanted nothing more than to go back to bed.

But the important this is, I survived.